How The Mommy met The Daddy

A Match Made
If you didn’t ask, you would never know that my husband and I don’t have the typical “boy meets girl” kind of relationship story. You see, I paid $4000 dollars to a matchmaker to be introduced to my spouse. He paid around $3000 to meet me; I still don’t know why he got off so cheap. After paying the exorbitant fee, I then explained to the matchmaker my vision of  the one with whom I would be the most compatible. And then I was forced by the matchmaker to meet her choice even though I was less than impressed. (Not because there was anything wrong with him but because he was so very different from the type of man I thought I wanted.)

So $7000, three children and over eight years later we are still together. I have to say that several of my friends are already on their second and even third marriages. Those were the same friends that found the idea of using a matchmaking service to be old-fashioned, quaint, repugnant or just plain crazy. They told me that I was throwing my money away and making a quite possibly, dangerous decision. They were concerned that I would be meeting strangers in dark alleys, I guess.

When I finally came to terms with the decision to use a service to facilitate a relationship I was surprised that so many people had such very strong opinions about it. I was also surprised to find out that I did too! It seemed very natural to me to trust my love life to a professional. I truly believed that a certain level of objectivity was necessary. And I was greatly lacking in that department, as demonstrated by the long line of losers, psychopaths and possible ax murders that I’d already dated. Frankly, I had reached the point where I no longer cared whether the person was good for me so long as they were breathing. Objectivity was necessary!

After a few weeks of coercion by the matchmaker to meet the person that I was “destined” to marry, I caved and we met for coffee. He took my breath away. He was genuine and kind, with a crooked smile and a buzz cut. He exuded “low maintenance”, something I thought only existed in chick flicks. After years of dating damaged men, all afraid to commit on even a restaurant, here was a man ready for the next stage in life.
My friends worried. They said that arranged relationships such as ours lacked the passion necessary for a healthy marriage. I worried. Maybe they were right? It was so easy to be with him–it still is. We didn’t fight–we very seldom do, even now. Did that foresee a lack of passion? He did make me laugh and he still does. But then when he kissed me, that first time, my stomach did somersaults. The relationship advanced quickly and we were married 13 months to the day that we met.

Our relationship hasn’t changed dramatically over the years. We could easily be described as homebodies. We are comfortable. Our love is quiet and unassuming. Those friends that naysayed my choice of a matchmaker are surprised that our marriage has lasted, while theirs have crumbled. No, the passion that my friends spoke so highly of isn’t there. But our relationship isn’t as prone to combustion either. We are committed to the same goal, a long fruitful marriage. We love each other, we are committed to each other and the matchmaker can chalk up another successful match made.

Keep up with The Mommy at Because I’m the Mommy.

Because I’m the Mommy

“Trouble, oh we got trouble,
Right here in River City!
With a capital “T”
That rhymes with “P”
And that stands for Pool….”

I, like most parents, have deluded myself into believing that the long, leisurely days of summer are to be preferred to the cold, flabby-arm-concealing school-filled days of winter.  I recklessly believed that maxi dresses were more flattering to the pear-shaped, apple shaped, Hell, the whole fruit basket figure than say a woolen tent cute little sweater set.  But like all good wet dreams my delusions too, must end.

(sigh)
Pool season is upon us!

Now I’m sure that for you leg shaving perfect mommies out there this is not any reason for you to stay up all night writing blog posts in the hopes that exhaustion could keep you from venturing to the pool panic, just because the whole world will see your post hibernation flabbiness don’t-look-directly-at-them-because-they-will-burn-your-corneas-white-legs.  And really who cares that you put on a 15 couple of pounds over the winter?  You know you will add another 3 to 5 knocking back ice pops take them off in no time chasing the kiddos around the pool.
So as I waste time writing and rewriting sit here contemplating whether I’m going to need a weed whacker to trim my bikini area shave my legs again before tomorrow’s dip I am reminded that tan fat is prettier than white fat everyone has their own body issues to resolve and that the first trip to the pool only happens once a season.  Halleluiah! I know that once that first trip is made I can boldly say that I conquered my fear and I walked confidently into that pool with my head held high while fully concealed beneath my cover-up, beach hat, sunglasses, beach towels and pool toys!
Have a great weekend, Ya’ll!

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Guest Blogger: Becca of Because I’m the Mommy

*For the month of April the guest posts will be dedicated to Autism Awareness. For more information and statistics on Autism, please visit Autism Speaks*

Toe Walking and Other Oddities

My daughter, Myriam is a toe walker.
She walks with the grace of a prima ballerina.
She spins on her tippy toes for long minutes, never tiring, never dizzy.
My daughter, Myriam is a toe walker–that doesn’t look you in the eye.

It’s been a year since my daughter was diagnosed autistic. We’d known that something wasn’t quite right for much longer; nearly from the beginning. Even as a baby she was so… stoic. She was never really interested in being held or cuddled. That fact was devastating to a first time mother who would sit and look longingly at this astonishingly beautiful baby girl, and wonder why she just didn’t want me.
My daughter was late getting diagnosed; she was nearly four before we began getting all of the testing done. That was primarily due to the fact that shortly after my daughter’s first birthday I gave birth to my sons. Yes, thirteen months after the birth of our daughter we were blessed with twin boys! So during those months when the symptoms of autism should have been apparent we were just trying to survive on two hours of sleep a night.
If you haven’t noticed there’s a lot of guilt, on my part, for not seeing the signs and getting her help sooner. Please also note in my daughter Myriam’s case, she still met all of her developmental milestones at every pediatric visit. Well, except one. Myriam is a toe walker. That means that Myriam walks on her tip toes, like a ballerina. All children toe walk in the beginning but they stop around age two. Myriam is now almost five and we have to constantly remind her to walk with “heels down”. The toe walker question is on every developmental questionnaire I filled out but I’ve found that in our case, most pediatricians don’t understand its significance as related to autism. When the first psychiatrist asked us if Myriam was a toe walker the electrical shock that ran through my body was indescribable. That one question is what made her autism real to me.
My daughter also spins. I know now that it’s called stemming and that it means she is over or sometimes under stimulated. It’s a self regulating mechanism. It’s quite astonishing if you’ve never seen it before. I know all children spin, but not like my kid! She can spin in a circle for minutes on end, like ten to twenty; without falling and without getting dizzy. The child can literally spin for ten minutes and then immediately walk a straight line afterwards. It’s mind boggling.
My lovely little girl also speaks in catch phrases. The term is echolalia. She remembers everything she hears. E V E R Y T H I N G! Good and bad she remembers it all. And she repeats it incessantly. Sometimes it’s appropriate, like the grocery list, milk, eggs, butter and jam. Other times not so much. Myriam once quoted the phrase, “You can’t handle the truth,” from A Few Good Men repeatedly during our Pastor’s sermon.
The challenges of raising a child with autism abound! As does the humor. I know that God gives us not the children we want but the children we need. Myriam fills my life with wonder and with laughter. She’s beautiful and intelligent, she’s funny and sweet. Myriam is a challenge, a riddle an enigma disguised as a toe walker.

My lovely little girl is prima ballerina, up on her toes.

~Becca

Featured Blogger: Becca of Because I’m the Mommy

The featured blogger this week is Becca of Because I’m the Mommy! Rebecca is the proud MoM of 4 year old Myriam and 3 year old twins Logan and Porter. Becca’s blog is lighthearted and fun, be sure to check it out after you learn more about her!

What made you decide to start a blog?

Looking back my path to blogging began about 18 months before my first entry. I lost my job, unexpectedly. In fact that is vast understatement! I didn’t just lose a job, I lost my identity. Everything I thought I knew about myself was wrapped up in that PR persona. When the franchise owners’ that I worked for, for 15 years, decided to pull up stakes and run and the new business owners’ weren’t interested in my services I found myself without a paycheck, without a severance package and completely lost as to where I should go from there. I drifted aimlessly for almost a year—not finding the right work.

Blogging became very cathartic for me. I’m not joking when I say that it keeps me sane. That year was one of the lowest moments in my life. My marriage took a hit, my self esteem was in the toilet, my daughter was diagnosed with Autism and I had no idea what I was going to do about any of it.

I decided that I would re-invent myself! I was going to follow a dream I had always had but had never followed through. I was going to write the next great American novel. The only problem is that not only hadn’t I read anything more advanced than “See Jane run” in the past three years, after a year spent doing little more than wiping noses and butts, I was lucky if I could even carry on a conversation that didn’t include diapers, Rota-viruses, or Dora. There was no way I was ready to dive into a 1000 page tome! Blogging seemed an easy way to break the ice, so to speak.

How did Myriam adjust to being a big sister to Logan and Porter?

I think the better question is how did we adjust going from a family with a 13 month old to a family with a 13 month old and two newborns? You know, I’ve noticed that as my children get older the sympathy that we used to get when I mentioned we had three children under the age of two has waned. I think everyone just assumes that by now you have it all together. Whew! If they only knew!

Actually, it was that point—around the time the boys were born that the
Autism presented itself. At the time we were so sleep deprived and busy we didn’t see it, but looking back I can almost pinpoint the day when the Autism veil fully fell into place.

Myriam was recently diagnosed Autistic, how has thing changed your life?

That’s kind of a funny question because the actual diagnosis didn’t change anything. We had been living with an autistic child the whole time; it just gave a name to our state of being.
The only thing that has changed is that we have a lot more doctors’ appointments, I read a lot more books and I do a lot more praying!

What are some of your favorite activities to do as a family?

We are a family on the look out for an adventure, a cheap adventure—preferably free. One of our favorite activities is geo-caching. All you need is GPS and some coordinates and the treasure hunt, as my kids call it, is on!

What’s your favorite post you’ve written? How did the post come about?

Any post I write about potty training or the toilet in general, is always a hoot. They are probably my favorite because they capture a moment in our family’s timeline. Potty training is pure hell, and if you can get past it and still laugh about it than you’ve accomplished something!

What question(s) do you have for the other families in the community?

I don’t really have any questions so much as a comment. I know everyone’s journey and story is different but there are good people and resources out there. For those that have new babies and for those who are pros, remember even when it feels like you are alone; you’re not! We’re all in this together; and no one is going to make it out alive so you might as well laugh about it now! Peace out and God bless!

Be sure to check out Because I’m the Mommy and leave some bloggy love for Becca!

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