There is nothing sweeter than the bond of brotherhood, except that of twins. Being a twin myself, I remember all to well the bond I shared with my brother, although it didn’t stop me from sometimes wishing I had a sister twin, instead of a brother. When I first found out I was pregnant with twins, I was overjoyed. I thought it would be great to have same sex twins. It took me a few months to let it sink in that having boy/girl twins was just as special and in my case, it made me realize that I could relate to their needs and the differences, much better than most other moms.
Right from the start my husband and I could see the special bond that was forming between our twins. At night, we would lay each twin at different ends of the crib and every morning we would find them slumped together. Later, when we put them in separate cribs, they quickly learned that they could climb out of their cribs and walk/crawl across their dresser (which was in between the two cribs) and climb into each other’s cribs. They just liked being together.
They had formed a bond so strong between each other, that they also learned how to be each other’s crutch. When Zachary had trouble forming words for things he wanted, Sarah would jump in and tell us what it was. Sarah had some anxiety issues and Zachary was a calming presence in her life. They needed each other. When they were due to start kindergarten, I received a phone call from the principal asking if we wanted them to be in the same classroom or separated. I quickly said the same classroom.
It was great having them in the same classroom, from a mother’s perspective. I always knew what was going on with them, from homework assignments to class trips, between the two of them I knew more than I needed to know. They also protected each other, defended each other, and leaned on each other for support. I thought it was one of the best decisions we had made keeping them together in school.
Then, two years ago, without calling me the school decided to separate Sarah and Zachary. They went through several bouts of anxiety of whether they could handle being separated from each other. I told them I could call the school and try to get them back together in the same room or they could give it a try and see how it worked out. I must admit I was worried about it too. The funniest thing about it was that Sarah wrote a letter to Highlights magazine (it went something like this – Dear Highlights, My twin brother and I are being separated this year in school for the first time. What should we do?), I guess she just wanted to get her feelings out there without having to express them specifically with us or get another’s opinion that wasn’t directly involved with the situation.
Sarah and Zachary decided to stick it out and on the first day of school, they walked off to different classrooms. It was hard at first, but they adjusted well. They each made new friends. They did well with their assignments. And they both learned to cope and grow without each other. Overall, it turned out to be a great experience for them. They are separating on their own and becoming their own individual persons. But the bond that was there from the beginning is still there. They still lean on each other, despite doing different things. They support each other, as well as fight with each other, much like all siblings do. But there will always be a bond that will never be broken. I’m glad we kept them together during those formative years. It was a great decision and one I would chose again, if given the choice.
Be sure to stop by Half A Dozen Kids today and say hi to Charlene!
This is something I'm already starting to think about – and we're nowhere near school age yet! I need to figure out what the policy in my school district is on twins. I'd like to have the option to make the decision and get the girls involved on deciding what's best for them.
Oh Cool that's me! Thanks!!
One little thing though (not to be picky or anything lol), but my blog is Adventures In Mommy Land. My email is halfadozenkids.
No biggie, just wanted to clarify!!
Thanks for the feature!!
My boys (triplets) are only in preschool right now, but they're all in the same class. The teachers haven't had any problems with them (other than telling them apart! ha!). The boys do well playing with other kids or on their own and just occasionally glance around the room to see where their brothers are at.
When or if we have problems, then we'll separate. Not until then though!
I am so enjoying watching the bond that my twin girls have. They are only 9 months old, but they sleep together every night, all snuggled up, and I can't imagine separating their sleeping, let alone separating them for school. For now, the school my older kids attend, there is only one class per grade, so they will be together anyway, and when they get to Kindergarten they will be joined by a set of b/b twins that are only a few months older. That should be interesting!
Awesome post Charlene!
Our twins are in mothers day out now. So far we have kept them together. We prefer to keep it that way… but I am sure we will be pressed with 'the decision' as the years go by and grade school arrives.
They are very independant of one another, but like to know one another is near. They shared a womb for crying out loud…. I can only imagine the anxiety.
I just read this and just went through this in the past 2 weeks. My identical twin boys are in kindergarten and due to many new kids moving in the school hired another teacher and without asking divided our boys up just assuming that's what we'd want. After many hour long conversations they decided to agree with us and keep them together. It was SO important to us to give them at least one year together in school if not 2 years. Like you said, we think having them together in those formative years will be good." They aren't a crutch to one another and they socialize with all so it shouldn't be a problem. It became very clear to me though how those without twins can not fully understand all that goes into making this decision. It is not an easy one and each twin situation is unique. We want them to divide eventually but we want it to be at the right time for them. Mid year didn't seem right. It was good to read your perspective since this is very current for us now.
Yay for Charlene! Congratulations on your feature day!
My identical twin boys are in Mother's Day Out for the first time this year, and I insisted that they be together — after all, they've been together since they were created 🙂
Later, we will see how it goes.
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