How Do You Do It?
It’s a question that moms of multiples get on a regular basis. Since the answer is not exactly simple, I usually just shrug, smile, and say “I just do it!”. Which, to a degree, is the truth. Most days, we just get up, and start business as usual; feed the kids, get everyone dressed, clean the kitchen after breakfast, play with the kids, get them down for naps, straighten up the house, make phone calls, do laundry, pay bills.. you know the drill. There’s not always a lot of time to think about things, but yet they have to get done. Hence the phrase “ you just do it”.
For posterity, I thought it might be a worthwhile venture to break it down a little more. I would have loved for someone to give me a detailed answer before I had my babies, because I wasn’t so sure that I was going to be able to do it. I had never even changed a diaper before having my babies, and I found it a struggle to keep my house neat and clean back then- so how on earth was I going to take care of three babies, a house, a dog, and a marriage? I had no idea, but somehow, I’m doing it. After giving it some thought, I’ve come up with my list of answers to the question: “How do you do it?”
Organization. I’m by no means a perfectionist, but I certainly have my systems in place. For going places, for bath time (usually done by myself), mealtimes, and just about everything. With young multiples, there are going to be a lot of variables throughout your day, and keeping control over the things that I can, makes me feel a lot less chaotic.
Sacrifice. I had ideas in my head about what it was going to be like after my kids were born; about going back to work, getting back in shape right away, having a nice, neat house; basically, having it all. In reality, I couldn’t bear to leave my kids to go back to work, so I left my job permanently, I’m just now (18 months after having my kids) finding the energy and motivation to work out again, and there are many days where the vacuuming is the last thing to get done, if it gets done at all. But my kids are healthy and happy, and therefore, so am I.
Maternal Instinct. This one came out of nowhere! As I mentioned, I didn’t have much experience with babies prior to having my own. I was, and still am shocked at how much I’ve been able to handle on my own. It’s a beautiful thing.
Support. From my husband, my family, and friends. Like a lot of people, I was never big on taking help from others; I prefer to be able to say I have done something on my own. When there are kids in the picture, all that matters is what’s best for them. I learned quickly that when someone offers to give you a hand, for your own good and the good of your family- TAKE IT! Consider every offer of dinner, cleaning, or babysitting a step forward on the path to your sanity!
Well, this is my answer to the question, so now, we ask all of you…
How do you do it?
I would have to say routine is how you do it. Start the same time each day and end at the same time. Meals are at the same time each day as is everything else. A schedule is key to success with twins (or any multiples). I would almost dare to say that having children of different ages is harder because you have two different schedules to deal with.
I have a husband that is amazing. I’m pretty sure without him, I would have cratered a long time ago. When he is not working, he is there every step of the way. He feeds, he bathes, he burps, he even changes dirty diapers.
Schedules and routines…they are a MUST in order to go to bed at night knowing each child was changed/fed/bathed/napped/meds properly. Having a master calendar of appointments is huge as well. And yes, sometimes accepting your house (or YOURSELF) isn’t nearly as clean as you always hoped 🙂
Routine is also my saving grace. I had to break the NICU routine of being awake at 2am for a bath, which didn’t take very long thankfully.
Oddly though I was offered help 24/7, and I ALWAYS refused it, ALWAYS. I had it in my head that if I let a bunch of people help me in the beginning, that soon enough the new would wear off and then I would be stuck not knowing how to do it all by myself. So I told people (some more politely than others) that I wanted to do things on my own. I offended alot of people in doing so, but the eventually got over it and realized why I did what I did. It worked for me, but it’s not for everyone.
I have to agree organization and routine is key! And a great family to help!
I think another big thing other than organization, routine and support is your attitude! If you have a positive outlook and tell yourself that you can do it, YOU CAN!
I’m not the most organized person on earth, but I’ve definitely gotten better since the boys arrived! For me, daycare and flexibility. Those are my life savers. Daycare, because for financial reasons I have to work, and I like knowing the boys are getting social interaction with kids that don’t look like themselves. 🙂
Your sacrifice answer is so dead on. I never expected to be a SAHM; that was the opposite of what I thought my life would be. But, almsot 21m later, here I am. What has saved us was routine. Right from the moment they were born, there was routine. The nurses helped us with a three hour schedule (I was unable to BF) and when we got home, we stuck to it. We also kept the world famous Poo Journal in which we wrote diaper change times and what was in the diaper, bottle amounts, when they fell asleep…
Ditto PP who said you have to know not just that you CAN do it, but that you MUST do it; no one is going to do it for you!
ROUTINE!!! It’s a total must! For us it started in the hospital and continued once they came home. They always ate at the same time, slept at the same time, and as a result soiled their diapers at nearly the same time! Start early, stick with it, and you’ll ALL be happier in the long run!
And I completely agree with accepting help when it’s offered. Those sweet little ol’ church ladies who brought us meals for the first month of my girls’ life were a total life saver! The neighbor who mowed our lawn while we were in the hospital was GREATLY appreciated! The friend who offered to let our dogs out to pee during her lunch break… THANK YOU! They made our 2 week stay in the hospital possible. And let’s not forget to mention the grandparents who happily babysit 2-3 times a month so that we can get out and have some kid free ALONE time!!
this is a great post. I don’t know how I do it. I usually answer this question by saying, I have to do it so I just do.
I must say that support is definetly a key as much as routine and structure. My twins are almost 4 and I went back to work when they were 3 months. I am a teacher so I kinda have the best of both worlds. I love my kids but I need to get away or I tend to go crazy….kind of ironic that I go and deal with other kids. Now, working would not be possible without our grandmas. My mom for sure whom lives 2 doors down and our adoptive grandma who has watched them all their little lives. I love having the vacations to be with them. I have learned that I CANT do it all and when they were little I took a nap with them. Forget the house but take care of yourself. Things will get done, maybe not like how they used to but they will. I have found out that I dont function well when I am tired and overwhelmed. It is hard to let the house be the last on the list but as long as things are clean I am perfectly happy to live with the minor amount of clutter. Happy Mothers Day to all.
PRAYER, Routine and extra HELP! Lots of the first and third… The routine is a given, but the prayers from others and the extra help when you least expect it…true blessing! Example: Out to dinner one night (cute local restaurant)…anyway, this Mom of a teenager(sitting next to us) offers to hold a kid so I can eat, and her daughter holds the other so my hubby can eat. What a blessing! Just the kindness to offer…People amaze me!