You know the game “I Never,” right?
Where you say the thing that you may or may not have done and people have to guess what is real and what you’re lying about.
Or maybe it’s a drinking game where you have to drink if you’ve done what the person says.
Remember that game?
Nah, me neither…I never played that game.
(swig of wine)
So, here’s my version of I Never (Multiples Version):
- I never cursed a grocery store for not having side-by-side seating in their carts.
- I never visualized punching someone for telling me that having their kids, who are 18 months apart, was just like having twins.
- I never said “yes” just to get them to be quiet and sit still for 12 seconds!
- I never made them repeat inappropriate words just because it’s funny.
- I never plowed through a bottle of wine while simultaneously potty training two toddlers.
- I never looked at my stomach thinking “holy crap…what happened down there?”
- I never lost all dignity, squatted down in a bathing suit (in broad daylight), just to help two Crazies get their shoes on. Do you even know how much squished cellulite is involved with a move like squatting in a bathing suit???
- Speaking of dignity, prior to having twins, I never asked my OB how to lose weight. What was I thinking?? Oh, and it was a dude…humiliation at its peak.
- I never asked every surgeon that I came into contact with after my twin pregnancy for a tummy tuck. It’s astonishing how quickly they turn you down.
- I never wished for extra arms.
- I never looked at a woman with one baby and thought about how bored she must be.
- I never looked at a staircase and surveyed how many steps a child could actually fall down before really hurting themselves.
- I never considered that car pooling will be an issue in the future. It’s one thing to take one kid, but TWO?? Ain’t gonna happen…not with all these silly car seat laws and regulations.
- I never considered that “The Art of Negotiation” was certainly not written for 3.5 year old twins.
- I never thought that I wouldn’t screen the Crazies’ television programs. What the heck is “Phineas and Ferb” about, anyway? May I never know…
- I never thought that I’d steam, blend, and incorporate veggies into recipes. This could go for all mothers, but I certainly did try.
- I never did push-ups on my “off time” to make sure I could handle two infant carriers, two simultaneous tantrums, or two darting Crazies in a parking lot.
- I never felt totally humbled by a mother with triplets (or any higher degree of multiples…I bow down).
- I never rolled my eyes when a more experienced mother of multiples told me it would get easier…and then told someone else the same thing a year later.
- I never wondered why people try for more than one child once they realize what’s involved…once you know what you’re in for, why do it again?
- I never realized that they do it because it’s awesome when you see it all coming together (and it does come together every now and then).
- I never wept with joy or sadness while soothing a sick child, a child suffering from a nightmare, a child who accomplished something that they’d been working on for a while, or a child whose feelings have been hurt for the very first time. Nope…not me…I’m way too tough.
Okay, so how many times did you drink?
One last thing…I never wanted anything else. I am a mother of twins for a reason. I love it every single day. There are challenges, but I rise to meet them…just like all of you.
Come and see me and the Crazies at Unexplained X2!