Seriously…who did I think I was before I had kids?
I had way too many opinions and not enough experience, but I guess that’s the benefit of being young…ignorant and naive…I miss that a little (I also miss the smooth skin and ability to touch my toes).
Anyway, I used to think that I would parent my children in the exact same manner…no matter what.
I was so wrong…so so so wrong.
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| Introducing Crazy Girl and Crazy Boy |
Crazy Boy requires a lot more attention than Crazy Girl. It’s always been that way. Even when they were infants, he was louder, more demanding, and more communicative.
Crazy Girl didn’t even let me know she was starving after my boobies didn’t work…for a month…starving her…yes, I still feel guilty.
Crazy Boy has always been more physical, more vocal, more fussy, more mobile.
Crazy Girl has always been happy enough to sit around watching Crazy Boy act like a total nut job. She walked after he did. She talked after he did. She pretty much did everything after he did…and loved every second of it…never complained.
I’m not saying that this doesn’t happen naturally due to gender. Some people believe that boys develop these skills sooner than girls.
What I’m saying is that she really didn’t get the chance to be alone with her mobility, her voice, or her needs. His always came first because when you’re in Survival Mode, you quiet the loudest twin first.
Or is that just in my house?
As Crazy Girl found her voice, we noticed that she was still being drowned out by Crazy Boy. As she needed more and asked for more, he became louder.
He hasn’t stopped getting louder.
It’s like his volume button is stuck on “UP.”
So, he gets parented differently. Where I can reason and discuss things with Crazy Girl, Crazy Boy needs immediate action. He’ll continue to flip out even while in time-out…sometimes two time-outs…sometimes three. He’ll finally calm down and we can talk about his actions.
I seriously don’t think he gets it.
I do think she gets it.
So, I parent differently.
When she has an “incident,” I can talk to her and have her recall the time her brother did something like that to her. She remembers. She empathizes. She nods along. She looks at me with her little tear stained face and really gets it. She apologizes with gusto and great hugs.
He stares at me blankly and throws an “I’m sorry” over his shoulder.
So, I parent differently.
When she’s in a bad mood, I can make her smile with a funny face or a little tickle.
When he’s in a bad mood, we move the furniture out of his way and let him get it out.
So, I parent differently.
When she’s sad, she needs a hug and then she feels better.
When he’s sad, he needs a hug, but then wants to be left alone for a while.
So, I parent differently.
When she does something great, new, or achieves something that she’s been working on, she receives lots of praise, applause, and encouraging shouts. Then she stops whatever activity has led to this fanfare and moves onto something new.
When he does something that he’s been working on for a while, he receives a high five and then we sit down to watch him do it…again and again and again
So, I parent differently.
My children, who shared a womb for 38.5 weeks kicking each other in the head the entire time, are totally different.
So, I parent differently.
Anyone who tells you different is lying…of that I’m sure.
Please don’t tell my former self about my shameful parenting…she’d be so appalled!
Come take a look at me and the Crazies if you’re in the mood…we rarely disappoint!
My identical twins even make me parent them differently! I so get this!
(and I really regret ever feeling overweight in a size 6!! can you imagine?)
Oh boy, I could have written this post. Except change "Crazy Boy" to "Crazy Girl A" because mine are both girlies. And 8 months old. This post may be telling me our future. Unfortunately we always jump to "Is there something wrong with B?" "She doesn't do XYZ that A does…" But as I've gotten more confident in my mothering, I've realized they're just different. Honestly I never had any idea I would have a quiet child. My husband and I were both loud kind of kids.
Its so funny to me that you said that when you are in Survival Mode, the loudest twin gets more attention. We actually call our A baby The Squeaky Wheel. She gets more than her share of the grease for sure. But they're thriving. Sounds like yours are too. Thank you thank you for this post!
Great post Rebecca! So very true! I parent mine totally different too! Shame on me for doubting all those parents before I had mine! I had NO clue!
Sounds about right to me! My boy/girl twins could not be any different, and you are right, you have to figure out what works for each child and go from there.
Yep – they are all different and require us in different ways. I see it every single day and have learned to adjust. K has probably had more timeouts than anyone in this house ever, it's just who she is.
I have 5 kiddos and have to parent them all differntley in exactly the different way each one needs to be parented! None so differnt as my ID twins. Great post! Already following from http://thelittlelilypad.blogspot.com
Great post and I think it takes a good parent to parent differently :), to recognise their uniqueness.
This is so true. I believe so srongly that each child had a different set of needs and should be parented differently. We are not one size fits all people.
Yep, my girls are so distinctly different that I have to treat them differently
I have almost the opposite kids. My daughter did everything first! I parent differently to them and used to feel bad about that but now know it's just what they need! Love the article.
🙂 Janice @ MommaWords.com
such a great post! SO true as a parent and as a teacher. Parents of multiple singletons likely parent differently with each child…but parents of multiples are often expected to treat our duos (or more) as one…and as we all know, they are all unique beings!