A topic that I’m finding very popular in the multiples community is whether or not to separate your kids once they get to school. Now in some states you do not have the option, but for those of us that do I’d love to get your opinions on the matter.
We’ve featured several articles on the topic, with different views. Here’s the links to those posts for you to review:
Divided we thrive by Cheryl Lage
Separation not severance by Joan Friedman
Expert Interview with Patricia Malmstrom
Interview with Brenda Arteaga, Principla at Tinsley Elementary
While planning this topic discussion I thought I’d ask some of my friends that are twins what their school experience was like. My college roommates, Kristin and Val (read their expert interview here) told me that they were in different classes all throughout school. Here’s what Kristin had to say, “From what I recall, we were fine, no anxiety or anything like that. I think it’s a good thing, it gave us an opportunity to be independent from one another, make our own friends, and determine what we were interested in as individuals….like Val went on to be in band, and I took art classes. And it didn’t negatively affect our relationship, even though we made different friends, they eventually became both of our friends, we were still close (obviously still are) and I always considered her to be the closest person to me. If anything being apart all day at school, made us closer at home because we probably only saw each at recess or something during the day. “
I also talked to friends of mine from way back in high school, Paulina and Libby. They were in the same classes until high school. Libby told me, “I personally liked being in the same class with my sister, because we were able to do homework together at the end of the day. I kind of wish I had more classes with her in high school.” Paulina told me basically the same thing and said, “I loved being in the same classes as Libby. The thing was that I was never alone, I always had her there right beside me all the time which was nice. High school was a little different, we were in different classes and then we had boyfriends so we weren’t around each other as much in high school. I wish we had more classes together in high school, but we were still close. Twins will always have that connection no matter what. We used to stay up all night talking about boys, we had fun. She was and will always be there for me and I love her to death!”
As far as my kids, I’m still up in the air about what I want to do. I know when I put them in preschool/VPK I want them in the same class, just because it’s their first time in that environment. After that, I’m not sure, that’s a bridge Scott and I will have to cross after we see how they interact in a classroom environment.
I really want today to be an open discussion on your opinions on keeping kids in the same or separate classes. If you multiples are older, please share with us how you made your decision and how you feel it worked for your kids. If your kids are not in school yet, what are your plans? How are you coming to that decision?
Thank you to Kristin, Val, Libby and Paulina for shedding some personal light on the topic!
Oh I can not wait to separate! My triplets (2 boys and a girl) are in the same Kindergarten class, just as they were in the same preschool class and it's become plainly obvious to me that they need to be separated. Badly. The common answer around here is, 'What does Henry want to do?' or 'If Abigail wants to.', their identity right now is directly linked to their siblings. I am also not sure that having 2 built in best friends is a benefit. I think having to focus on studying and learning is much more important than focusing on having fun while in the classroom. At home sure, but not at school.
I may change my mind once I see how things work in 1st grade for each of them, but for now I'm looking forward to them becoming more independent from each other.
My triplet girls were in the same preschool class for a year and a half. Their last year of preschool we moved and the new school had a policy of separating multiples. It was a bit of a transition for my girls but overall it was a very positive experience. We have since chosen to separate them for kindergarten and 1st grade. Two of the girls like being separated; the third would prefer to be with her sisters but does fine on her own.
Some of the pros for me of splitting them include:
– teachers and other children see them as individuals rather than a group
– less competition – one of my girls struggles more academically than the other two. She recognizes the difference but I think it would be a bigger issue if they were in the same class doing identical work
– they have had to learn how to make friends on their own
– it has helped them learn that life is not always fair – one class always has better class parties, they get invited to different birthday parties, etc
Some of the downsides of splitting:
– we are exposed to a lot more illnesses
– it is more work for the parents – trying to keep track of all the different homework, schedules, classroom needs, more classes to volunteer in, etc
So far, I think it has been the right choice for our family.
Hello ; ))
We are twins from Poland ; ***
KISESS : ***
Love this post because it's something I think about a lot.
Up until recently, I thought I'd definitely separate. Then I wonder if they won't adapt to the newness of preschool better if they're together. Then I wonder if that will just be a two-week thing and then they'll be okay.
As you can see, I'm still in a fog 🙂
But definitely separate schools for "proper" school – of that I am certain… at least for now LOL
Mine were together in preschool but I separated them already for their last year of preschool. I could see that they would do all their projects exactly the same. Even the teacher recommended they split. I think in the great majority of cases it's better for the kids. They are in 1st Grade now and I am so glad they are different classes. They fight and compete with each other enough as it is. It's good for them to have time apart and especially to not be comparing themselves to each other in the classroom. I think preschool's great to keep them together. They're so little it's a new idea to be away from your twin but by grade school I Think most twins are probably ready for it. Still, each case is different.
My 5 year old identical twin girls have been in the same preschool class for two years. I want to separate them next year. Physically they are very identical but their skill sets are extremely different. One has amazing large motor and math skills, the other has fantastic fine motor skills but more anxiety about physical activity. I want the least amount of direct comparisons possible. I want them to make their own friends (but worry about single invites to birthday parties, play dates, etc.)so that they aren't always the "twins" (I HATE THAT).
My daughters are very close but seem to be able to separate and do even while in the same class, I rarely arrive to see them playing together. Their teachers share that they do play together occassionally but don't seem to cling to eachother. Once in a while one wants the other to do her writing for her!
Mine have been together all through preschool. It has certainly made it easier for me, especially for parties, field trips, etc. Next year for kindergarten I'll be splitting them two and two. I think they're ready to be split. They're social in preschool and play with other kids, rather than just one another, so I'm hoping the split won't be a huge deal for them. I'm still figuring out the split, but have a few ground rules: the two identicals won't be in the same class and roommates won't be in the same class (they're split two and two in bedrooms at home).
We're getting ready to have them in the same preschool class next fall, then we'll see if they need to be split up. Right now, I can't see that happening, my kiddos are close! But things change, and so do their needs.
We chose to separate our kids from the beginning. When they started school we lived in a very small house and all four kids shared a bedroom. They really needed and appreciated the time apart at school. They each took ownership and pride in their own classrooms. Now that they are in Jr. High, they have some classes together and some that aren't. I think they like it the way it's been and I think it's cut down on the amount of arguments at home when they have that time apart. It's worked for us this way.
From a teacher's perspective (not just a parent of twins) I feel separation is a must. Kids need to have their own identity, friends, and things all their own. As a parent there will be tough things like different homework assignments, different papers or projects or crafts, two sets of rules & whatnot but for parents of singles that have more than one student, they get those same differences amongst their kids as well. In the five years I've been teaching I've had twins in my class two years in a row that were separated. Last year I had two different twins, both boys, with one having a twin brother in another class and one having a twin sister in another class. This year I have a girl who has a twin brother in another class. Not once, with any of the three kids, has it been an issue. In fact, most times we forget they are part of a pair! On the playground, at lunch, during block they see their twin and sometimes will play or talk and other times simply silent expression towards each other. I think they probably have so much more to talk about at home & secrets to share by being separated. I would worry for my own girls, that if they were kept together all through school, by the time it was time to become an adult & go off on their own, they wouldn't be able to. I want them to each be their own person & make their own choices in life & know how to do that without NEEDING the other. I always want them to be close & rely on each other, but not so much that they can't rely on them self first.
My identical twin sister and I were only separated once from K-12 and that was in 4th grade. I'm not sure what the requirements will be once my identical twin girls are in school, but I hope that they can stay together in the same class! Just my personal preference 😉
SO ironic that you posted this topic this week. I was just talking to a friend about it on Friday. I have not yet decided what I'll do when my twins start school. Right now they are in daycare/preschool and have always been in the same room b/c there was only one room to have them in. They are boy/girl twins so I think that lessens some of the 'grouping' a bit compared to same-gender twins but I know it still happens. I think in some ways it'd be good for them – My daughter is usually the more outspoken one and her brother often sits back in her shadow as she takes charge….but then when they ARE separated – he is more comfortable on his own than she is – she is more needy and often 'misses' her brother of Mommy more on those days.
We have some time to decide but at this point, I'm honestly not sure what we'll do yet – I don't have any HUGE opinions either way at the moment so I guess we'll just wait and see.
I love this post because it came at just the right time for me. My girls are currently in the same preschool class, but my husband and I are already starting to think about what will do when they go to kindergarten!
I think for us, we'll end up putting them in separate classrooms, but I think that each situation is uniquely different. My girls are so very different. I have one that doesn't branch out at all and only sticks with her sister because she's her comfort zone. I think I'd like to see how she does for a year with not having her sister to fall back on…and see how she does trying to make some friends on her own!
This topic has been going around my multiples group of late too as a few of us are putting our twins into kinder this fall.
My decision is to keep my twins together until they decide they want to be separated, or until I foresee any problems beginning between the twosome. There are a number of reasons I have decided this.
1/ they are boy/girl twins
2/ they rarely, if ever play together at school and have their own friendship groups
3/ they are very independent and both have strong personalities
4/ if given a choice of activities to do they almost always choose something different from the other – it's very rare that they bring home the same art/craft project, unless it's something the entire class has had to do.
5/ at this stage they understand and embrace that one is better at certain things than the other (of course this will probably turn into competition later, but for now, they are supportive)
If they were reliant on one another, if they stuck together at school or did everything together then I would separate them so they could develop as individuals.
There is another set of twins in our preschool class, and even though they are boy/girl they tend to rely on each other a lot more, play together and sit together.
They also haven't shared a bedroom at home since they were 6 months old.