Let’s skip all the mundane chit-chat about the evening’s errands and get to the good stuff shall we?

All that was left on my list was deodorant. I was in my normal catatonic state that I slip into in order to make it through Wal-Mart without pulling my hair out. Not necessarily because of the girls but because of the other idiots that frequent there. I can’t wait until the day we are wealthy enough to NOT shop at that place.

Anyway, last item and L pops up in the cart grabbing herself yelling she has to go NOW! I told her she had to wait one second but then H, the ever so logical and calm one looks at me with panic and declares her sister cannot wait!

So I turn the ever loving blasted cart with the bum tire around and start making my way to the restrooms when she lets out a hollow, “I’m not going to make it!” And like every perfect mother I give her the death look and tell her to hold it until it comes out her eyes if she has to but her fear gives away the magnitude of this emergency.

Now, like a lunatic, I am running. I slam the cart against the wall, grab my wallet, yank H out, grab L and carry her to the bathroom because at this point her hand is clutching her vag and she is frozen. How the hell did you not feel this coming on sooner I thought?

As I was running for the bathroom I hear H yell MOMMY! I turn around and she has no shoes on! What the hell is going on around here people!

I dropped the spaz, picked up the shoeless, turn around and L was running full speed into the men’s room! I mean she was in there, out of sight and for those of you who are regular readers this sent the sweat pouring! LLLLLL get out here! That’s the boy’s room!

Now we are full on sprinting to the girls handicap stall where I plop H down on the infant changer and pray it doesn’t break under her solid 40 pounds of cuteness and get L on the potty just in time; seat covered of course, there is always time for that.

Whew. Once again I am bitch-slapped with the realization that I am no better than the people I turn my nose up to when I pass by and think what a hot mess that Mom is.

As I strip down to my shirt because I am about to pass out I start laughing thinking about how funny we must have looked. I knew I should have said no to let them split that bottle of water however I will never learn!

You’re welcome ladies and gentlemen of Wal-Mart for your evening’s entertainment. Same time next week?

Keep up with Kerry at new2two!