A twin mom friend shared some good advice with me while I was pregnant with my twins: don’t compare yourself to your friends that have one baby because the experiences are very different, and you can make yourself crazy when you see how easy one baby seems in comparison to two. It’s hard not to compare yourself to others (I still wonder what it would be like to just have one baby) but it’s good advice. I try not to focus on what I don’t have but rather to appreciate just how much that I do have. On that note, I’ve compiled my own list of random pieces of advice for moms-to-be of twins.
People are fascinated by twins and you will attract a lot of attention. People will ask you the same questions over and over again, and many of those questions will be inappropriate and annoying. Are they twins? Are they identical? Are they a boy and a girl? Are they natural? Do twins run in your family? How do you tell them apart? I guess you’re done having kids? Do they have different personalities? And THE most popular twin question of all: How do you do it? Oh and they will want to tell you all about how their sister’s neighbour had twins eleven years ago as if that has any relevance to you. Just learn to smile and nod. Either that or put on your bitchface and don’t make eye contact.
Every so often, people will stop you to tell you how lucky you are. Usually it’s older people that want to remind you of this obvious but often forgotten fact. I once had an older man ask me if he could just admire my “beautiful girls” and then he charmingly said “it looks like you have yourself a nice 30 year project there”.
The first few months with twins will be hard. When those dumdums ask you “how do you do it?” the only answer is you do it because you have to. You can take care of two newborns. And feed them, change them, bathe them, comfort them and love them. It will take a while before your family will settle into a solid routine, so take help where you can get it. Hire a private lactation consultant to come to your house if you need to. Get babysitters. Order food and cleaning services so you don’t have to worry about cooking and cleaning. Just do whatever you can to help yourself cope during the initial haze.
You will come out of the haze. Once your twins start sleeping through the night, you will feel renewed. You will have an energy that you forgot you could muster. And around that same time, you’ll feel like you will want to take your twins out of your house more.
It is not easy to take twins anywhere. I remember feeling like I would never go anywhere alone with them. Being able to wrangle two car seats and all of the gear is not an easy task. But it’s doable. When you start to feel ready, go on some easy outings. Preferably to places where other moms can lend a hand if need be.
Make a point of spending one-on-one time with each of your twins. Take one to the grocery store while your husband takes the other to run errands. Doing any activity with one of your twins wi
ll feel like a walk in the park. Actually, it will feel better than a walk in the park because walking in the park with twins can be tough. Plus it makes for great bonding time to spend time with your twins individually.
The baby gear for twins is never as good as the regular baby gear no matter how hard the baby product manufacturers try to make it. A double stroller is a what it is. Even if you get one of the fancy ones that manages to hold two bassinets, it will never be as simple as the single stroller.
As your twins get older get used to needing two of everything. I can absolutely 100% guarantee that your twins will want the same toy. They will not want to share. Even if they don’t want something, they will want it the second their twin is playing with it.
Your twins will grow up with an incredibly special bond. You are lucky to be apart of that. Here’s an example. On the last day of a parent-toddler program, the toddlers were running around while the instructors led the group through songs during circle time. Right in the middle of it, Mia and Alexa ran towards each other in the middle of the circle and they hugged and kissed each other. It was beautiful.
You will love to hear the sound of your twins making each other laugh.
It all goes by too quickly. I think the demands of twins makes time move even faster. It can be hard to appreciate every moment when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed. Don’t let the fact that you have twins make you forget to savour every moment. You will miss the long, hard days when your babies were babies. The days are long but the years are short.
If you have twins, what are your words of wisdom for expecting (or new) twin moms?
Samantha, the creator of cherrypietwins.blogspot.ca, is a lawyer turned stay at home mommy of twin girls born in December 2010. She loves pop culture, freshly painted nails, Starbucks, yoga and French macarons. Her husband is also a lawyer, and together they share a love of travel and a passion for food. They feel lucky to be living a sweet life with their sweet girls. Samantha mostly blogs about her girls and mommy stuff but she also often blogs about non-mommy things like food, style, hair, entertainment and travel.